Official iPhone Order Process

Here are the steps to pre-order a new iPhone. Be sure to follow this procedure exactly as outlined to secure your iPhone.

  1. Steel yourself at 11:55 AM Pacific time. The battle is about to begin.
  2. Load at 12:00 AM (Pacific time).
  3. Note “We’ll be right back” page in all written languages.
  4. Refresh page.
  5. Shift in your seat uncomfortably.
  6. Check Twitter.
  7. Refresh page.
  8. Look at your clock.
  9. Refresh page.
  10. Post “Sigh… Apple Store is still down :(” to Twitter to let everyone else know.
  11. Refresh page.
  12. Repeat steps 6-7 until 12:35 AM (Pacific).
  13. Observe the “We’ll be right back” page now gives an error.
  14. Post this new information to Twitter immediately.
  15. Refresh page.
  16. Check the Apple Store app on your phone. Observe the same error.
  17. Force quit the Apple Store app and launch it again (this is how you refresh on mobile).
  18. Note the store loads.
  19. Gasp in amazement. (Softly so you don’t wake anyone.)
  20. Post this to Twitter.
  21. Cautiously tap to buy an iPhone.
  22. Acknowledge the error message. And repeat until it works.
  23. Enter the information to check your upgrade eligibility.
  24. Submit this information and wait 2 minutes. Acknowledge the error and repeat until it works.
  25. If your carrier says you can’t upgrade yet, take inventory of items you posses that you can sell to pay for the full iPhone list price.
  26. Select your iPhone size, color and capacity.
  27. Note that the iPhone you selected is unavailable.
  28. Try choosing a different color and/or capacity. Find a combination that is available and add to cart.
  29. Acknowledge the error and retry until you get that sucker in the cart.
  30. Hey, you may just do this. Note that it is now 1:30 AM (Pacific).
  31. Tap the “Checkout” button.
  32. Acknowledge the error.
  33. Cry softly and try again.
  34. Confirm your address and billing information are correct and submit the order.
  35. Fix the error in your address and billing information and try again.
  36. Acknowledge the error message.
  37. Re-evaluate your life.
  38. Search Google for reviews of the latest Android phones.
  39. Close browser.
  40. Reopen browser and check the Apple Store. Note it is still down.
  41. Tap to submit your order.
  42. Pray.
  43. That’s it!
  44. Post your success to Twitter.
  45. Go to bed.
  46. Wake up at 4 AM in a cold sweat. Towel off and go back to sleep.
  47. Wake up at 6 AM and realize you’re not happy with the color choice you made.
  48. Note that at this point, your preferred iPhone size, color and capacity is available for delivery by launch date.
  49. Go to your email and find the link to manage your order.
  50. View order information and take a deep breath and click to cancel the order.
  51. Acknowledge error.
  52. Keep trying.
  53. Confirm cancelation.
  54. Order a new iPhone.


This article was published on September 12, 2014 9:38 AM.

The article previously posted was Year of the burger.

Many more can be found on the home page or by looking through the archives.

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